A Letter For My Not-Husband

To the love of my life, my ‘forever’ boyfriend (haha), and my not-husband. You are such a beautiful human being, and there are days I ask myself what I ever did to deserve you.

Dearest Bobby,

I don’t know what’s with today that’s been pushing me to write this letter to you.
I guess it was because I saw letters we wrote to each other when I was cleaning out our room.
Or maybe it’s because lately, we have been stuck in this weird so-so routine where we work, we rest, we play with our son - but rarely have unplugged moments together.

So here I am, trying to figure out how to write this very open letter.

What do I want to tell you, ba? I’m honestly unsure. I guess I’ll ramble and word vomit, hoping that by the end of this letter, I was able to get across what I want to feel.

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I love watching you be a father. I see the way you act around our son. Because of you, he’ll know how to self-regulate and choose a wise response rather than reacting on strong emotions. What a valuable lesson to teach growing boys, and I’m so grateful you are providing that to Yñigo.

I love seeing you thrive in the field you’ve chosen. Despite everyone’s opinion of what you should have been, you chose to thrive in your craft. Cooking has always had a special place in your life. When you’re happy, you cook. When you’re sad, you cook, When you’re confused, you cook. You find peace in the kitchen. You have a space to be reflective, to be creative - which you translate in the dishes you prepare. I am at awe with how far you’ve come along. It wasn’t a steady, straight path… but you made it through.

I love how you put our family firstYou work hard and put Yñigo and I first. You’re such a responsible, loving partner - with everything to give, and nothing to ask for (in return). You’ve always been a man that expressed his love through service, through the time you give. I see it in both the big things, and the little things, you do. Whether it’s sacrificing your sleep so you can make sure I sleep, or driving out with Yñigo, just the two of you, for some father-son time — something you used to do with your dad back when things we’re better.

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You do what you can to help, even when you know I’m just lazy to do it myself. This has always been a bad habit of mine - tamad ako. I do have an on-off switch, but whenever it’s on, you still do what I fail to do out of my laziness. It’s not something I’m proud of, and I know it’s not something you’d like to tolerate… but nonetheless, thank you.

You taught me how to rationalize and think with my head, and not always my heart. I’m a very empathetic person… an emotional one as well. I’ve always thought and processed with my heart, but being with you taught me how to think.

You see me when I snap at you, even if you didn’t do anything. I have a temper and it comes out when I'm so very tired, when I’m running on empty. You see it for what it is and you know that it’s just a cry for help.

You accept fault. It’s not easy to accept fault, whatever the situation is. But as time passed, and our relationship grew, I greatly appreciate you for the times you owned up to your mistakes, for your shortcomings.

You have nothing but patience and understanding for me. For all the times I snapped, I flipped, I threw a tantrum, I wanted to walk away. You never gave up, and you never stopped giving me a reason to hold on. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s quite true with the things we went through.

You accept me for who I am, even if it’s hard, even if it’s something you never thought you’d had to accept in a human being. I’m not perfect, but I appreciate all the times you’ve subjected yourself to the unknown, in hopes of trying to understand me. You’re the only one in this Universe, in this (and any other) lifetime that knows, loves and accepts who I am at my very core.

You stayed, even if it costed you everything. I guess I’ll never stop blaming myself for ruining your life. You lost your family, material wealth, possessions, and privilege. Yet, despite the circumstances, you never blamed me for anything. You never regretted being with me. You never left my side, even when things got harder. When we unexpectedly became parents, instead of you rushing out, you stayed without question.

You chose me. For better or for worse. For richer or for poorer. In sickness and in health. To love and to cherish, ‘til death do us part.

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I know we’re not married, nor will we be wed anytime soon. It’s funny how people assume but I guess that’s what happens when you have a kid, and live together in one roof for almost six years.

I wanted to write this letter to tell you how much you mean to me, especially when I forget to show you, or failed to make you feel it. You’ve done so much and you turned my life around. You steered me in the right path. You made me love myself - for all that I am. And you gave us Yñigo - the greatest thing that happened to us.

So here’s to you, my not-husband… but my forever. I’ll be writing more of these letters again. For now, I’ll end it here. I love you, babe.